A Secret Ritual that was Undermining My Best Self

15/10/2019

Today I'm celebrating 30 days without booze!

Even though I'm not really a big drinker, I have grown to love my wine at the end of the day (sometimes a few hours earlier! )

My days start around 5:30AM as I put in a full day of work, plus homeschool my kids, and run the house - like a lot of women, I know.

But strangely, on the eve of my birthday, when I was feeling so much else starting to shift (I blame it all on my haircut, lol) I looked at my glass of wine and said, "Ick...

I am not drinking for fun anymore, I'm drinking 'cuz I NEED to. I'm drinking to CHILL OUT. But its just makes me DULL OUT. I don't want to be dulled down anymore!"

There was a quiet voice in me to stop drinking. I chalked it up to birthday/new year drama, but somehow this was different. The decision was known and made in a second - I just wasn’t sure about how committed I’d be the next day... so I didn’t tell anyone in case I failed!

The feeling I get from being outside with my happy dogs is invigorating.

Disappointingly, I didn’t really notice any difference the first week.

I drank kombucha instead of wine and it was okay. It didn’t really help me unwind though so I added another walk to my afternoon instead. (So pretty in the fall, too!)

I also started to say NO to more work or activities. I realized that if I’m already doing a lot, doing more would definitely bring on a need to drink to relax.

But half way through my second week…. There. A light came on that I didn’t know it had been out!

Clarity of thought.

A feeling of groundedness yet a little more bounce in my step.

Definitely more stamina for the day.

And, interestingly, emotionally I got very clear on my boundaries – both in parenting and my relationships.

IT IS LIKE A STRENGTH has returned that I didn’t know I had! And guess what? I’m definitely not looking for that glass of DULL at night because I don’t want it!

Sure there are days are crazy no matter how much positive thinking voodoo you practice. Maybe then, occasionally, a drink is good. But everyday? Who was I kidding? That is a crutch.

I’m not saying that I’m never going to drink again, cuz to be honest, I like it... BUT – as a solution to unwind everyday? NO. As a way to soften the pain of how I didn’t stand up for myself today? NO. As a way to deal with isolation and loneliness? NO.

For me, this little exercise has taught me that the solution to a stressful day is not what I do at the END OF THE DAY but how I SPEND MY DAY and the CHOICES I make throughout.

And THAT brings on a peace that doesn’t require lubricant to undo.

So if any of you have been thinking about losing the booze, or you’re curious about that quiet voice that is whispering some kind of (maybe scary) instruction… give it a listen!

It may just (wonder-fully) surprise you!

Have you ever give up booze or something else for a while and been surprised at what you learned? I'd love to hear about your experiences!

1 Comment

Lizette

17/10/2019 16:25:54

My Canadian mother was an alcoholic, which was never acknowledged by anyone but me in the family. My dad didn't trust anyone who didn't drink. That line of thinking propelled me into a 12-step program as an adult, for families and friends of alcoholics. Recovery notwithstanding, I developed, post-divorce, my own nightly ritual of a glass of wine and a piece of chocolate. A few years ago I realized exactly what you realized and am now finding less toxic means of relaxing, not to mention I developed an allergy to chocolate. In the addiction treatment business I worked in as a therapist, I learned that cravings are about allergies. Alcoholics are allergic to alcohol! To say I feel better having quit is an understatement. I can have the occasional bit of wine or chocolate, but having grown up with alcoholism, I'm a cautious skeptic. You've got this, Katherine! And if you don't there's always a recovery program. See you in Chacala, I hope. I'm trying for the last half of January again. ❤

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Hi, I'm Katanne - Nutritionist and Gut Health Specialist. My talent and passion is helping busy people like you to finally enjoy food and life again!! By resolving painful and annoying digestive issues, we then have energy and enthusiam for our life and being the best version of ourself!
As a busy, do-too-much, everyone-else-comes-first type of person, I learned the hard way that this kind of stress compromises both gut and health. It took ten years to perfect a healing approach that is less about food and more about how we live with our stress.... stress that impacts our digestion, and stress that we often bring on ourselves. We all need efficient and effective solutions that we can integrate into our busy lives, so let me find you some simple solutions to bring enjoyment back to your eating and living!

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